birthday panic

Where can I get foresight? I’m such a shortsighted person. Wrote a poem when I was 11 entitled “Dreamless Me.” Nothing’s changed. Fifteen years—whoa, 15!—later, I’m still dreamless, aimless… but restless. Which I think is a good thing—restless. Means I’m not comfortable with the way things are. The uncertainty, the lack of direction, the procrastination… A bright day can’t actually be far behind 🙂

I just turned 26 last weekend. Whew. First time I didn’t feel too excited about a birthday. Honestly, I’m starting to panic. It seems I’ve wasted a good deal of my twenties sitting on the fences. Or sulking. Or procrastinating. I’m scared. I fear the next five years would still be the same. I don’t want to be 30 one day and realize I still have the same issues! No one ever told me life can get this scary….

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One thought on “birthday panic”

  1. ah, wasted years. how i relate. and directionlessness, too. i’m in the same pod–and i’m much closer to 30! for now i only suffer regret and not restlessness. i’ve been praying but not too earnestly. maybe scared of the answer, when it comes. but on the practical side, how does one go about finding direction? especially when you feel you have hardly anything to offer to anybody…*sigh*

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