relentless

God’s love is not wearied by our sins and is relentless in its determination that we be cured at whatever cost to us or Him.” ~CS Lewis

I think C.S. Lewis is either declaring truth or articulating a wish. Or both.

Come on, could it truly be that my shameful sins do not frustrate God to the point of giving up? Why do I find it hard to believe the “relentless determination” of God’s love? Perhaps more than truth, the assertion is a wish? That is, I wish that God would not relent in his act of transforming my wicked human soul; for when Almighty becomes exasperated and decides to quit on me, then I become utterly hopeless and doomed. And that is a terrible, unthinkable thing.

My skepticism about Lewis’s statement could be rooted in self-centeredness. I could be measuring God’s love by my own feelings about myself and my transgressions. I know how easily frustrated I get with myself, and even others, when lessons have not been learned, wrongs have not been righted, promises have not been kept, reformations have not been sustained…

But that’s me: fickle, hypocritical me. How about God—how does He see my dizzying cycle of rebellion and repentance? Why, as Lewis asserts, is He not “wearied”?

Because God sees with eternal eyes. He is able to be steadfast in His love for me in my present state of wretchedness because He sees clearly the perfect and holy version of me, a masterpiece of His own doing. And He knows that the work must continue, each fall from grace and subsequent rise to righteousness is an integral step towards making me resemble His Son more and more.

I do not have to wish for God’s faithfulness. For the amazing truth is, He is faithful—irrevocably so. And by His grace, day by day I am learning faithfulness to Him too.

_______

Excerpted from my journal.

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last day

It’s the last day before the New Year.

I’m one of those who get sentimental and reflective around this time of year. Thank God for markers that remind us to pause and realize that a definite stretch of time is ending and another beginning. So while many are rushing to buy ingredients for their midnight feast, or trooping to the beach, or traveling to be home with loved ones, I take a retreat.

Here I am, the lone customer at the quaint coffee shop that’s just a block and a half away from our house in Davao. I’ve chosen a blended coffee drink with chocolate and mint as my license to overstay in this laptop-user-friendly place with an abundance of extension cords. They’re still playing Christmas songs (now playing: “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”).

Here’s how I see this “retreat” unfolding. I will revisit journal entries, blogs, Facebook status posts, memories, and whatever will give me a big picture of the year that was. I will probably surf the net to read articles from my favorite sites. I will pray, yes, but probably not in a very coherent way as I am wont to go off-tangent in my prayers. Maybe it’s a good idea to write my prayers; but then writing is its own distraction — I might end up worrying about grammar and style more than content and honesty. Anyways, however it gets done, I will pray — here in this little coffee shop corner — in between sipping coffee, in between sentences of writing in my journal, in between thoughts of my beloved…

Today, the last day of 2010, I retreat to “taste and see that the LORD is good.”